The Church and Reaching Millennials - 5 Methods for Young Adult Ministry

courtesy aafdc.org

Starting this fall, I will begin a young adult ministry at my church. We're calling it C3 - coffee conversation and community. There is a big push to reach young adults because for one, they are a large missing demographic in most churches. Secondly because their voice matters. Thirdly because without young adults, the church will continue to decline numerically. Lastly, because God loves them and wants all people to know a living relationship with Jesus Christ. I'll post more in the fall to let you know how C3 turns out!

Over the past 5 years at least, there has been much discussion in the United Methodist Church about reaching young adults/millennials and even more blog posts by "millennials" with such titles as "Dear Church, its not me its you" or "Farewell church. You lost me. We're done." and so on. Many young adults in our society have had difficult experiences with the Church and we need to listen to their voices.

Considering that nearly 2 out of every 3 young adults (for our purposes, 18-25 year olds) identify themselves as "none", meaning no religious affiliation at all, the church's voice in response to this generation has unfortunately been one of acquiescence. The denominational church at large has been motivated by fear of offending this growing demographic.

But is fear of offense an evangelistic strategy? Is that even compelling?  Is it something Jesus did?

If you or I are a "5" or a "7" on a 10 point scale of being "Christian", then most unchurched young adults today are at a "1".  And that's ok! But we must acknowledge the audience in order to know the approach. Many young adults are not ready to worship Jesus or read a call to worship. Let's not get the cart before the horse here: much like any other unchurched adult, millennials must be introduced to Jesus and see him for the compelling, life-altering Messiah that He is. They must be taught. They must be shown. And it must be within he context of loving, gracious community.

Considering this, if a large segment of our population has little to no religious or biblical knowledge, is perpetuating ignorance helpful?  Many young adults do not come to church because:

• The church is seen as intolerant, Pharisaical or homophobic. 
• Some young adults don't know what they don't know. (They must be taught the basics of Christianity)
• The church is too obsessed with money or sex.
• The church has no relevant place or voice within their community. 
• The church addresses issues that are (perceived to be) irrelevant to their daily lives. 
• There is no particular "space" carved out for them. We have children's ministry. We have youth ministry. Is there a space for young adults?

What if instead of acquiescence, we spoke with a bold, compassionate and prophetic voice?

What if we focused more on teaching and relationships and less on programs or apologizing for Christianity?

Here are 5 methods for reaching young adults, and is by no means exhaustive. (comment below with more ideas)

1. What you highlight, you will reap: put young adults up front in your worship services. Invite them to read Scripture, do the announcements, lead a song, etc. Intentionally put young adults on your leadership board or committees. Take their feedback. Give them responsibility. This will help any young adult in attendance connect with a peer.
2. Graphics, graphics, graphics - Go to Netflix and look at the menu. People make choices of what to watch based on an image, word of mouth and maybe three words.  Young adults today hear with their eyes. If its text heavy, it will get glossed over. If its an image, you've got a chance. 
3. Teach and preach within relational context - As a stated above, most young adults identify as "nones" this new generation must be taught within the context of community. Relationships are the main conduit that love is communicated. This is nothing new, especially for a Wesleyan or United Methodist. We championed small group ministry in the 18th century. Postmodern research has always shown a need for community in this generation. This is nothing new. They are people after all. We must supply community and relationship to young adults. Churches that are reaching huge numbers of young adults preach the Gospel without apology and offer weekly community opportunities for young adults, and its working.
4. An 8 second filter - Young people today have a shrinking "attention span", and its actually not a detriment. If an item or idea catches their attention within 8 seconds, they will actually engage with it on a deep level. Think video games, Youtube videos or social media. There is plenty of engagement going on, it just has to catch the eye, heart or brain within 8 seconds. Its more of a filter and less of an "attention span". You've got 8 seconds. How will you use it?
5. Service Matters - young people today have strong feelings about what is just and unjust. They are the first generation on the face of the planet that has always known the Internet and always had endless information at their fingertips. They want to be used to help others in tangible ways. This is good news, because many churches are already organized (or at least they should be) for mission. Young people today (mostly) think with their emotions. Again, this is not a detriment. Lets tap into this generation's innate desire and emotion for justice and help them live that out.

As I said, this list isn't exhaustive. Reply below with other ideas you've used within your context that others might find helpful, and thanks for stopping by. 

Experiencing the new birth of Christmas

Every since I was a little kid, I have loved Christmas. Like, at a hyperactive level. Each morning in December, I used to run down the stairs first thing in order to move the Advent calendar to the next day.

When the movie Elf was released in 2003, one of the good friends at the time told me that Elf reminded them of me.

I’ll take that as a compliment.
But honestly, I was most excited about the presents, the incandescent lighting, the decorations, and that tin box full of sugar cookies. The real meaning of Christmas, as we often hear, gets lost, and looking back when I was as a young teenager, it was awfully hard not to be distracted by all the other Christmas “stuff”.

When we hear about Christmas in church, we hear a lot of “God with us”, and that is true, but what does that mean to us today? More important, why should this matter to teenagers?

The author of the gospel of John doesn’t talk about Mary, Joseph, the wise men, or the shepherds. As John often does, he attempts to display a different angle on our Christology. Instead of beginning his gospel in a literal fashion, he does so in a philosophical and theological manner:

In the beginning the Word already existed. The Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He existed in the beginning with God. 3 God created everything through him, and nothing was created except through him. 4 The Word gave life to everything that was created, and his life brought light to everyone. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.

Jesus’ birth occurred for a host of reasons, one of which was to bring “his life (that) brought light to everyone”. This life and light that Jesus brings is undefeated, inextinguishable, forever glorious and illuminated.

The Incarnation is a powerful mystery in its origin and reality, and yet it is simultaneously accessible to all humans on our most fundamental levels of existence.

God came to be with us so that God could live IN us. The good news of the Incarnation is that, through the new birth of the Holy Spirit, we can not just “go to heaven when we die”, but actually become like Christ here on earth, (hopefully) bringing light and life to all WE encounter as well. The Christmas story is indeed a gift to receive, but it is equally important as a gift to share.

May you experience this new birth for yourself this holiday season. Let us encourage our teenagers to do the same.

Pastoral Response/youth group response to teenage suicide

Last year I had the unfortunate and difficult task of responding and ministering to a teen suicide in our community. Adam was a young man in our youth group that took his own life. For me, it is the first time I have ever lost a close member of our youth group to death; suicide or otherwise.

It still feels surreal.

I still can’t quite believe I won’t see him again, hear his laugh, or have a great conversation with him. I’m not sure it has really sunk in yet.

All death can create feelings of mourning and sadness, but suicide is different. It is so sudden, abrupt. You feel as if a piece has been taken out of you that will never be replaced. This bright, young life with so much promise is over.

Its a punch to the gut, because so many would have told him how much they loved him. So many people would have talked him down, or tried to stop him. The 600+ people who came to the viewing or the 200+ who attended the funeral I officiated would have told him they loved the beautiful, uniquely made child of God that he was.

Ironically, I was reading the book “Tuesdays with Morrie” two days before Adam’s death, and I highlighted this phrase in my Kindle, after Morrie attended a funeral of a friend, Irv:

He came home depressed. “What a waste,” he said. “All those people saying all those wonderful things, and Irv never got to hear any of it.”

Indeed. What a waste.

As I unpack the emotions involved with this sort of tragedy, I hope and pray that my story and advice may help someone else as they walk along those who deal with the ramifications of teen suicide, and hopefully, to avoid it.

There are no easy answers, but there are specific things you can do to lend effective pastoral care:
Give clear guidance & leadership to the family – in moments of trauma, surviving family members operate in a fog or shock. They need you, as the minister, to give clear and affirming leadership. Take as much off their plate as you can.

• Keep your phone at your side at all hours – be ready to reach out, call, and text youth and parents at any hour. 
• Run to God in your pain – encourage others to leverage their pain as a way to lay hold of God, and not the opposite. 
• Keep the focus on Jesus – if officiating the funeral, keep the focus on Jesus as the Good Shepherd, God’s loving sovereignty, and positive memories of the deceased. 
• Keep the focus on love – people need to be reminded of why they are at a viewing or funeral: its because they love that person. All are gathered because they care, and that is to be celebrated. If you love someone, tell them immediately. 
• And mean it – Youth ministers and parents fight for teenagers daily and love them with a passionate love. Live each day to the fullest, and if God ever brings a teen to mind to pray for or reach out to, act immediately. Keep fighting for your kids, and “leave it all on the field” so that if suicide does happen, you can know you did all you could. 
• Mourn with those who mourn – don’t give advice and for goodness sakes don’t say “Everything happens for a reason.” Just be present and weep when you want to weep. 
• Avoid “If only…” – it is so tempting to torment yourself with thoughts of “if only I had done this, etc”. I chose to affirm the fact that we have loved Adam well as a Christian community, which we have. Focus on the positive memories and how you have worked on someone’s behalf. Ultimately, the choice of someone to take their own life is just that: their own choice. Beating yourself up after the fact will not change what has happened. While incredibly sad that someone has taken their own life, there are also other potential suicides you have also possibly prevented over the years. If there is any positive side to “if only” thoughts, let it be an inspiration to reach out to teenagers that much more. God will do what is absolutely best – You will be asked the question, “Is he/she in heaven? Is he/she in hell?”. The short answer is: you don’t know. The long answer: God is perfect. Honestly, none of us really know at the time of death, especially in terms of a suicide where the profession of faith of the individual is in question. It is dishonest to give a false hope, or conversely, a false judgement. The grave is very silent and death is final on this side of eternity. What we can do, however, is trust in Jesus’ words, remember Jesus as the Good Shepherd, remember that a teenager is still a child, and that God will do what is perfect, just, loving, and eternally secure. We are not God, but we can trust in God’s perfect Word and God’s perfect character.

I will always love and miss Adam. I will think of him for the rest of my life. He has made an indelible mark on my life.

Ministry and loving others is a risk. You never know what is going to occur.

However, I think we can all agree its a risk worth taking.

It is always better to love and lose someone than not to love at all.

Keep up the good fight.

Dealing with teenage suicide

Last year I had the unfortunate and difficult task of responding and ministering to a teen suicide in our community. Adam was a young man in our youth group that took his own life. For me, it is the first time I have ever lost a close member of our youth group to death; suicide or otherwise.

It still feels surreal.

I still can’t quite believe I won’t see him again, hear his laugh, or have a great conversation with him. I’m not sure it has really sunk in yet.

All death can create feelings of mourning and sadness, but suicide is different. It is so sudden, abrupt. You feel as if a piece has been taken out of you that will never be replaced. This bright, young life with so much promise is over.

Its a punch to the gut, because so many would have told him how much they loved him. So many people would have talked him down, or tried to stop him. The 600+ people who came to the viewing or the 200+ who attended the funeral I officiated would have told him they loved the beautiful, uniquely made child of God that he was.

Ironically, I was reading the book “Tuesdays with Morrie” two days before Adam’s death, and I highlighted this phrase in my Kindle, after Morrie attended a funeral of a friend, Irv:

He came home depressed. “What a waste,” he said. “All those people saying all those wonderful things, and Irv never got to hear any of it.”

Indeed. What a waste.

As I unpack the emotions involved with this sort of tragedy, I hope and pray that my story and advice may help someone else as they walk along those who deal with the ramifications of teen suicide, and hopefully, to avoid it.

There are no easy answers, but there are specific things you can do to lend effective pastoral care:
Give clear guidance & leadership to the family – in moments of trauma, surviving family members operate in a fog or shock. They need you, as the minister, to give clear and affirming leadership. Take as much off their plate as you can.

• Keep your phone at your side at all hours – be ready to reach out, call, and text youth and parents at any hour. 

• Run to God in your pain – encourage others to leverage their pain as a way to lay hold of God, and not the opposite.

• Keep the focus on Jesus – if officiating the funeral, keep the focus on Jesus as the Good Shepherd, God’s loving sovereignty, and positive memories of the deceased. 

• Keep the focus on love – people need to be reminded of why they are at a viewing or funeral: its because they love that person. All are gathered because they care, and that is to be celebrated. If you love someone, tell them immediately.

• And mean it – Youth ministers and parents fight for teenagers daily and love them with a passionate love. Live each day to the fullest, and if God ever brings a teen to mind to pray for or reach out to, act immediately. Keep fighting for your kids, and “leave it all on the field” so that if suicide does happen, you can know you did all you could.

• Mourn with those who mourn – don’t give advice and for goodness sakes don’t say “Everything happens for a reason.” Just be present and weep when you want to weep. 

• Avoid “If only…” – it is so tempting to torment yourself with thoughts of “if only I had done this, etc”. I chose to affirm the fact that we have loved Adam well as a Christian community, which we have. Focus on the positive memories and how you have worked on someone’s behalf. Ultimately, the choice of someone to take their own life is just that: their own choice. Beating yourself up after the fact will not change what has happened. While incredibly sad that someone has taken their own life, there are also other potential suicides you have also possibly prevented over the years. If there is any positive side to “if only” thoughts, let it be an inspiration to reach out to teenagers that much more. God will do what is absolutely best – You will be asked the question, “Is he/she in heaven? Is he/she in hell?”. The short answer is: you don’t know. The long answer: God is perfect. Honestly, none of us really know at the time of death, especially in terms of a suicide where the profession of faith of the individual is in question. It is dishonest to give a false hope, or conversely, a false judgement. The grave is very silent and death is final on this side of eternity. What we can do, however, is trust in Jesus’ words, remember Jesus as the Good Shepherd, remember that a teenager is still a child, and that God will do what is perfect, just, loving, and eternally secure. We are not God, but we can trust in God’s perfect Word and God’s perfect character. 

I will always love and miss Adam. I will think of him for the rest of my life. He has made an indelible mark on my life.

Ministry and loving others is a risk. You never know what is going to occur.

However, I think we can all agree its a risk worth taking.

It is always better to love and lose someone than not to love at all.

Keep up the good fight.

Serving A Former Drag Queen

Its Monday, July 13th 2015 and I'm painting the window sills of a former drag queen in Granite Falls, NC.

"Oh, I was a drag queen for 26 years.", Steve tells me.  "The money was good. Its who I was."  Along with a successful career as a backup singer for many well-known country singers, Steve would moonlight as a drag queen singer, often singing hits by Loretta Lynn.  His fame as a Loretta Lynn impersonator grew until Loretta Lynn, upon seeing Steve on a VHS tape, demanded to meet him, which got him started on his country music career.

The past four years, however, have been hard for Steve.  He is 51 years old and has returned home after many years of traveling.  Based on complications of his former lifestyle and frequent drug use, he is home bound, unable to work due to a debilitating bone condition.  Steve now spends his days watching old country music on television, trying to make ends meet, fixing up his old house he inherited from his father, and dealing with family members who want money.  "They want money", he says "and I don't have it anymore."

This is a typical day serving at Carolina Cross Connection, a Christian outreach ministry for youth and adults.  Participants are split into "CMGs" or Christian mission groups and are assigned work projects each day.

Steve's house is my assigned project for the day, and to be honest, we all loved him.  We weren't intimidated by his past.  We didn't seek to judge or coerce him.  We did, however, paint his porch and cut his grass.  We did listen, talk, laugh and share a day together.  We played with his dog. We hope it encouraged him on his path to greater health.

"I'm not much of a Christian," Steve tells me near the end of the day, "but I do believe in the Lord.  I know that much."

"That's what makes you a Christian," I tell him.  "Believing in the Lord. Thats all you have to do."

He looks at me and silently nods.

In that moment of solidarity, I realized we, all people, we are all in this crazy life together, no better or worse than anyone else.  We all need the Lord.  None of us are good enough.  We are all sinners.  We all need each other to get through this life.  Its only the love of Jesus that allows us to truly love others, see through their past, and love them without condition.

Jesus said you have to give your life away in order to find your life.  When we bow down to take the form of a servant, we become the greatest.

I look forward to seeing Steve again one day, and I pray for his health.  May we all love others without limit and without condition.  It is the great hope of the world.