Letters To My 15 Year Old Self

Dear 15 year old self,

How’s it going?  

Actually, I know how its going. After all, I was you many years ago, 25 years to be exact. When I was you, I could have gained great benefit by hearing from my 40 year old self. I wish I could go back in time but this is the best I can do. So much wisdom. So much experience. 

So much more gray hair.

When I was you, 15 year old self, I could play basketball all night and wake up the next day with zero soreness.

Now I wake up sore, and I didn't even do anything the night before.

So here I am, or here you are. Or there you are. Or here we are. 

Or something.

My hope in writing you, 15 year old self, is that you might avoid some pitfalls. You might learn a few lessons. But my intent is not to spare you from pain completely. Some of your greatest lessons will be learned through difficulty and in turn you will learn how to be resilient.

Strength is only developed if resistance is present, even though we may dislike it at the time.

So I think one of the greatest character traits you should learn, 15 year old self, is resilience.

RESILIENCE

How does one define resilience? Here's one definition: the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.

At this point in your life, 15 year old self, you have lost friends in car accidents. You have changed schools multiple times. You have been bullied at school for having a speech impediment. You feel anxious at school. You don’t feel comfortable in your own skin. You're had to overcome difficulties. You've had to be tough.

You have had to be resilient every. Single. Day. Give yourself some credit! You’ve gotten this far! Middle school was super rough!

Where have you drawn the strength to be consistently resilient? You parents and family have been a huge source of strength for you, and that’s important, but you have actually had a spiritual strength your whole life and you don’t know it yet.

God has been with you. You might not be aware of it much, but He has been.

The world will tell you that you learn resilience from yourself. Many believe they can have their own morality and create their own foundation for their life based on their education, their immediate cultural influences, their money, their upbringing and their own notions of right and wrong.

Many may tell you that you are the master of your own fate. 

Let me tell you this: fate is a cruel taskmaster that leaves you at the whim of every notion and direction of your heart. 

Don’t be a person of fate. 

Be a person of faith. 

Fate is not the same thing as faith. Follow your heart? What if you heart is inherently deceitful and prone to wickedness? Should you follow it then?

I think you know the answer to this question. 

The majority of your peers, 15 year old self, are going to “follow their hearts” and do whatever they feel is right. But don’t be like them, 15 year old self. Please, please do not do this. There is a broad way that many think is right, but it leads to destruction. If you plant seeds in your life that are only about yourself, then you will only reap temporary rewards. 

Do you want to be a resilient person? Then ask yourself this question: in whom or what do you trust? Is it yourself? You will eventually fail. Is it in a relationship or another person? They will inevitably fail you. Do you place your hope in future wealth or a successful career? 

Do not place your ultimate hope in something you may eventually lose.

Instead, place your hope in God, whom you will never lose. When the storms of life come (this is a “when” statement. Not an “if”) you will be able to withstand them. 

But you know what? To be 15 years old is hard. Very, very hard. You honestly don’t get enough credit for all you have to do each day. It’s hard to be resilient. I know you feel your heart being pulled in dozens of directions at any given moment. Your body and mind are changing daily and you’re not exactly sure how to feel sometimes.

ACCEPTANCE

To compensate for all of the adolescent change you feel, you have a tendency to gravitate towards acceptance.  

Instant acceptance can be a sanctuary from the war you feel within yourself each day.

I’ve seen you do it. I was you, after all. This is why the party scene or other negative influence is so alluring. It is instant acceptance! Who doesn’t want to feel accepted?

But not all acceptance is beneficial.

It is always better to walk alone in wisdom than to be manipulated by the expectations of acquaintances. 

I know that you are easily prone to the suggestions of “friends” and because of that, you don’t want to let them down. As a 15 year old, you are incredibly self conscious, but guess what? All of your friends are equally self-conscious, too! Everyone else is equally worried about the opinions of others. 

Don’t worry about what others want from you. What do YOU want? Instead of trying to find the right friend, put yourself in the driver’s seat: be the friend you would like to have. You are in control.

How about instead of allowing others to dictate your life, you decide who you would like to become and you surround yourself with people you admire? 

Don’t sell yourself short. You are worth it.

PARENTS

When you’re 15, it’s hard to know who to trust. You know your parents love you, but you don’t feel like you can go to them. This is a mistake. I wish I had confided in parents more, trusted them more. This is a big regret of mine. 

I wish I had realized that my parents are people too. They used to be 15 years old. Don’t buy the lie that your parents are against you. They are not. They love you. They taught you how to speak, to read, how to use the toilet, how to be a person. They have literally walked with you every day of your life and will never stop loving you.

I know you don’t want to think about it, but your parents actually dated each other. (audible gasp)

They are real people who have not always been your parents, so show them empathy and understanding. This goes a long way in building trust in any relationship, especially a relationship as vital as one between a parent and a child. 

Open your heart to them and tell them how you’re doing. Don’t allow wedges to come between this vital relationship. Fight for your parents and their trust. They have always been fighting for you. Return the favor. You won’t regret it, especially as you get older.

DATING

Phew, ok here we go.

15 year old self, I know you think about one thing all day long: sports.

15 year old self, your desire for a dating relationship is at its core a good thing. God has designed you for marriage, to know and be known in this holy union that was created for human flourishing. God made marriage, and He made it to be a blessing.

But it's a blessing designed with parameters for our benefit.

As you grow older, however, do not seek to satisfy this desire in all the wrong places. When we’re young, we are impatient, impertinent and occasionally arrogant. We think we know what we want. We have biological urgings that drive us forward, urgings that again are God-given at their origin.

But listen to me: slow down. Wait. Breathe. Trust God for your future.

Let God grow you into a more mature person before you dive into a relationship. Ask yourself this question: would you want to date someone just like yourself, as you are right now? Is your heart, soul and character the type of person you would want to date? If you’re not that person yet, then wait.

Love desires to always give; lust desires only to take.

Read that sentence again.

Many young relationships are driven only by lust and they eventually flame out. They look for love in all the wrong places.

You can’t find love by taking.

Many seek to satisfy a God-given desire by taking instead of giving. This is an empty well that will not satisfy. Instead of always looking for what someone can give you, allow God to form you into more of a giver.

This takes time. Years. And it’s not going to happen while you’re in high school. So wait. Breathe. Slow down. You're not as ready as you think you are.

If you can't consistently care for a puppy, how can you adequately care for someone'e heart in a relationship?

A dating relationship or even a marriage is not going to fix you. If anything, it will put a giant spotlight on your immaturity, your inability to effectively communicate and your desire to only take.

Don’t buy into the lie that dating is a “test run” before the real thing: marriage. By no means should you kiss dating goodbye, but be very, very picky. Remain single and wait for God to make it blatantly obvious when you have met the right person. (He will. He’s God. God always gets it right)

Here’s the deal: Either a relationship works or it doesn’t. If you feel like you’re compromising, then it’s not going to last.

If you really believe God will provide the right person and you want to save yourself for marriage (and I know at your core you do), then make this your prayer: God, grow me into a future husband with godly character now, so that when I meet this person, I am prepared.

If you really do trust God for this future person, then act like it. Do what it takes now. Wisdom prepares for the event before it happens. 

That is faith in action. 

Believe God will provide them in due time, and until He does, allow God to develop within you with the qualities you would want to see in your future spouse.

Don’t seek the change. 

Seek God.

Seek God and seek first His kingdom and in time He will bring the change in your life. When God does it, it will be perfect for you.

All of this sounds good on paper (or on a screen), but it is hard. Trust me, I know. I had to pop all those pimples. I had to deal with rejection.

You will make mistakes in this area. Many do make mistakes, even with the best of intentions. When you do make a mistake, God is there to forgive, every time.

But trust me on this. How you handle this question of dating or finding a future spouse (or choosing to remain single, even) is the second most important question of your life.

It’s that important.

What is the first, most important question of your life?

I’m glad you asked.

CHRIST AS SAVIOR

Who are you? Why are you here? These are the big questions, aren’t they? You think about them all the time, 15 year old self. I know you do. You constantly think the deep questions about your core identity, and that's good.

What you believe about yourself as your core identity will shape your decisions in life. You have heard accusations against your core identity every day: you’re not good enough, you're flawed, you’ll never make it, you're not friends with the right people, etc. 

You have heard these accusations before (and you’ll hear them again) and that’s ok.

Hear me on this, 15 year old self: Let me shed some light on this for you. When you hear accusations against you, it’s not from God.

You didn't generate them, either.

Satan’s name is The Accuser.  He accuses everyone day after day, and they're all lies. You will hear these accusations, over and over. I encourage you to listen to the good things that God says about you in His Word. Eventually, the accusations will lessen in time.

We all hear these accusations against our core identity, but the real tragedy is if you begin to believe these accusations as your identity.

If you believe you are ugly, worthless or damaged somehow your words and decisions will reflect that core belief.

But here’s the wonderful thing about belief: you get to choose. It’s up to you. Life does not merely happen to you. You are the times in which you live. You are the result of the choices you make, for better or worse.

If finding your spouse (or staying single) are the second most important questions of your life, here is the number one question you will ever answer:

Do you know Jesus has forgiven you?

I know what you’re thinking: "Well, I believe in God. I have gone to church my whole life."

Yes, that is all well and good (and true), but that doesn’t answer the question.

God loves you, 15 year old self, but you are more of a sinner than you think you are.

Your ears are stopped up, your eyes have scales on them. May they be removed. 

God loves you as you are, and He also loves you too much to leave you as you are.

Do you know Jesus has forgiven you?

If you know Jesus has forgiven you, it also implies a few other truths: that you know Jesus as Lord over your life. If you know Jesus has forgiven you, it means that you have realized you have something in which to be forgiven. 

It means that you know that you are a sinner. In order to receive grace, you have to learn what is at stake.

You may feel that you have nothing to be forgiven. 

Think of it this way: why do you have a conscience? Why do you feel shame or guilt? Those feelings are the result of sin, the result of breaking a moral law. The shame points to the sin.

I ask you this question, 15 year old self, not to tear you down. Not at all. I ask you this actually to build you up. It’s the most important question because your eternity depends on how you answer. If you know Jesus has forgiven you (and He has and He does), then it unlocks a completely new world for you.

Once you experience the grace of God in light of your sin it changes how you treat your neighbor. It changes how you view your role in the world. It humbles you and this leads to godliness. Jesus has bought you with his own body and blood. He is the ultimate servant King, and if you claim to follow in His footsteps (and I know you’re trying), then you are called to love the world like that, in big and small ways.

If you know Jesus has forgiven you, then you know that your life is not your own anymore. He is your example to follow and this is good news. Know that your life is not your own, and may you be a person of grace and truth just as Jesus was, as you follow in the footsteps of your Savior.

15 year old self, as you go about your days, God will be with you. In your lying down and in your work, in your play and in your sleep, God will go before you, God will support you, God will never let you down.

You can do this.

To My Clemmons UMC Church Family

To my brothers and sisters at Clemmons UMC,

A few weeks ago I went for a walk around our church campus at lunchtime, and I stopped at the Columbarium. This is not a place I usually frequent, but on this day I’m glad I did. As I walked, I paused to read the name of each saint listed and realized I had come to know so many of them throughout the past 10 years at Clemmons UMC. My eyes welled up with tears as I thanked God for their witness, and I also thanked God for the absolute blessing of being at CUMC for such a long time. 

In regard to ministry, I believe the longer leaders stay in one location, the healthier the church. Our roots grow deep, our bonds become more tightly knit, and the community is more vibrant. This certainly has been the case at CUMC. Both Ann Marie and I have developed many incredible relationships and friendships. We are a God family. Before God called us to CUMC, we were both praying that God would lead us to a church where our gifts for ministry could shine for His glory. 

Because of God’s grace and leading, we began the Praise service in 2009 with steady success and have seen the student ministry explode with growth I never could have imagined. However, over this past year, we have felt God gently uprooting us and giving us a burden for a new season of ministry. We didn’t know what that would look like. 

Over the past two years I have felt an increasing desire to preach regularly and lead in more of an associate pastor role. Matthew and the CUMC staff have been very supportive of this call, and I am most thankful for Matthew’s gracious leadership and our wonderful church staff. This is a loving church, and I am so happy here, but as I listen to God, I can see my calling in ministry is changing. 

As of July 1st, I will begin a new appointment as the Associate Pastor of Contemporary Worship and Evangelism at Wesley Memorial UMC in High Point, NC. My last Sunday at CUMC will be June 16th. I grieve to think of leaving the closeness of this church family, but I look forward with hope. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for CUMC. Thank you for loving me and my family. 

In regards to Clemmons:One, God has provided a fantastic group of adult leaders and a student leadership team, and we have laid a strong foundation in our student ministry of biblical teaching, meaningful service, and outreach events that I am certain will continue to be a blessing to young people for years to come. The 9:45am Praise service will continue to be a place where vibrant worship occurs and all people can hear the Gospel of Jesus each week. 

Please be in prayer for Matthew and our excellent Leadership Team as they navigate this time of transition. The Holy Spirit has definitely led this change, and keep praying for the Spirit to lead CUMC as they seek to find staff to fill this role. 

May God bless each of you! I look forward to speaking with you and celebrating all God has done in our midst these past 10+ years together. Ann Marie and I love you all and thank God for each of you.

 Christ in Us! 

Rev. Clark Davis Chilton

My Prayer for #GC2019 in St. Louis

Holy God,

As my fellow brothers and sisters gather in St Louis, I pray for them. Pray with me as you read.

I pray for wisdom, discernment and holy love. I pray that each of them has the mind of Christ and not of themselves as they make important decisions.

I pray you remove any lens' or filters that distort or misrepresent the viewpoint of another. I pray for complete destruction of false stereotypes.

I pray that they are reminded that we can debate an idea and it doesn't have to be personal. We can debate ideas or policy apart from debating a person.

I pray that, each of them as professed disciples of Jesus, would lay down any idols before you that will hinder their work. I pray for a cessation of agendas that are not indicative of your Gospel and your holy Word.

I pray that they hold all decisions in light of this consideration: "What would our Lord do?"

I pray they remember that you, Lord Jesus, are full of grace and truth, in perfect balance with the other. May each delegate be full of grace AND truth.

I pray that they are reminded that in order to love God first, that we must not worship any other gods. I pray for an abdication and rejection of any idols.

I pray for hearts of true repentance, for we all have sinned. We all have sought to go our own way. We all have falsely accused or judged someone. We all have not loved others as we would like to be loved. We all know what we ought to do, and yet we don't always do it.

I pray especially for those who don't feel as if they need to repent.

I pray for hearts of repentance.

I pray for wise and true judgement. I pray that each delegate search their own hearts first, repent of sin and walk away from it, so that they then are able to judge others with wisdom and holy love, free of being a hypocrite.

I pray you give each delegate ears to hear what your Spirit is saying and has been saying.

I pray that the wind of the Spirit would move as a fire and as a flood. I pray that the move of your hand would be so mighty that the entire proceeding would be halted in light of your holiness, power and majesty. I pray that you come down and cause this conference to become all yours in every possible way.

I pray that you bring revival and awakening to this generation, O God. The next great awakening will come when individual hearts repent of sin and begin to hunger for righteousness and holiness again, building into a cumulative effect that will sweep across our nation yet again.

Forgive us for the way we trust in our own might, intellect and strength and have failed to trust in You.

Forgive us for the ways we have trusted more in lobbying our agenda than petitioning your power from Heaven.

I pray that, somehow, they will close this conference with a vision for the Church that is what you want and not necessarily what individuals want.

We are here to serve your will and not our own, and I pray that all present will remember that. Show them your will.

In the beautiful and matchless name of Jesus I pray,

Amen.

Fentanyl, Teenagers and our Nation's Opioid Crisis

In our local high school, I recently heard accounts of teenagers vaping fentanyl in bathrooms while on campus. Students were found unresponsive and EMS had to be contacted to revive the students.

Apparently, Fentanyl is a highly potent synthetic opioid, estimated to be 50 times more powerful than pure, pharmacy-grade heroin. Medically, it’s often used for chronic pain patients and those who are likely to experience intense pain such as cancer patients.

Now with the recent advent of vaping, fentanyl can be ingested without even creating an odor. An overdose of fentanyl is what was later revealed to kill the singer Prince. 

This is a most troubling development in our American culture. This "opioid crisis" continues to sweep across our nation and is claiming hundreds of young lives at an alarming pace. Parents and school administrators can feel helpless as this epidemic continues.

As a pastor who has served in United Methodist youth ministry for 15 years, drug use among teenagers is nothing new in my experience. I've always known students who have smoked pot, dropped acid or drank heavily. Its always been a problem, and the problem continues to grow.  The lives of our children are at risk and are under attack.

Without intervention, I have also seen where every one of these stories unfortunately end: young potential wasted, criminal records or worse, the loss of life.

Many young people, when confronted with the option to quit drug use, scoff at the reality of peer pressure as the cause. Denial is the attitude of the day. "Who are you to tell me how to live my life? I can control my own actions. Its not that big of a deal. No one is forcing me to do drugs" they may say.

What young people always fail to see is that they are ultimately seeking acceptance. 

Teenagers understandably want a place to fit in and feel welcome. They want to escape their problems. They want peace. The drug or party scene provides that immediate gratification.  They are seeking the innately good desire of acceptance in all of the wrong places. In order the quell the inner restlessness they feel, substances are consumed to fill a void that only Christ can fill.

Augustine of Hippo is a massively important figure in church history, but before he became a saint in the Catholic church, wrote his Confessions and other important theological works, he was a restless, wandering young person. He dabbled with various religions and sought out constant sexual gratification, but never found true peace in his life.

Eventually, at the age of 31, as Augustine later told it, his conversion to Christ was prompted by a childlike voice he heard telling him to "take up and read", which he took as a divine command to open the Bible and read the first thing he saw.

This is what he read:

Romans 13:13-14 - New Living Translation (NLT)

13 Because we belong to the day, we must live decent lives for all to see. Don’t participate in the darkness of wild parties and drunkenness, or in sexual promiscuity and immoral living, or in quarreling and jealousy. 14 Instead, clothe yourself with the presence of the Lord Jesus Christ. And don’t let yourself think about ways to indulge your evil desires.

Augustine would eventually famously write that, “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.”

Augustine's conversion testimony (and my own, in fact) were not just words: he lived it. He lived through the restless period of life, seeking acceptance from whomever would give it, but it didn't satisfy the deepest longings of his soul. 

His heart was restless until it found rest in Christ.

It wasn't until the winding path of his life led to the person of Jesus Christ that everything changed. 

The demons were driven out. The restlessness was over. True peace was discovered. God, by his grace, reached out and touched him, and he was never the same. 

If you are a young person and you are reading this, know that there is hope for your life. 

You are not defined by your failures or your pain. Whatever acceptance you are seeking, know that God stands ready to receive you and give you a new heart, a new nature and a peace that only God can give. Consuming drugs, having illicit sex or drinking is an empty well. You will not find the refreshment you seek in those places.  "For what the flesh desires is opposed to the Spirit, and what the Spirit desires is opposed to the flesh; for these are opposed to each other, to prevent you from doing what you want." (Galatians 5:17)

God isn't out to spoil your fun. Rather, he's out to show you a much, much better way, beyond anything you could imagine.

Only in Christ will you find peace for your soul and the demons of addiction can be driven out. Take up and read what God has to say. He loves you and wants you to live a clean, righteous, and virtuous life with the Spirit of God living within you.

If you are a parent of a young person with addiction reading this, my prayers are with you. 

There are resources available for support, such as PALS (Parents of Addicted Love Ones) that can help. You are not alone in this struggle.

Comment below. Thanks for reading. 

Racism? Yes. The Answer is Love (a former Nazi story)

Here's a Facebook post I recently shared regarding the recent events in Charlottesville:

"White nationalism is militarized ignorance that speaks neither for the South or for Christianity (for sure). It is a gross perversion of the core tenets of the Gospel and in a cultural sense, what it means to be American. Horrible. #prayforcharlottesville. #charlottesville"

While I most certainly stand by these words, its also easy to dismiss and denounce a white supremacist worldview. Or at least, one would think it should be so easy. Its easy enough for most people. The foundation of this worldview was so reprehensible and evil that thousands of brave men died in the fight against fascism in World War II.

To those who have gone before us, it was an easy to decision to fight such evil. And for many of us today, the decision is also an easy one.

As a nation, we are divided and have been for some time, but what is occurring is an extrapolation of the ever-growing divide in American society. Blame, anger, anxiety are dominating the day. Our nation is at a tipping point.  What is present in our hearts is what we will speak. In a very literal sense, we are the times in which we live.

If you don't like it, change it. But how to do that? Stewing in anger on Facebook is certainly not the solution, but neither is ignorance or acquiescence. 


Instead of joining in that fray, this reminds me of a story.

It was the summer of 1999, and I served with a home repair ministry called Carolina Cross Connection. Groups of teenagers and adult leaders go out into the community and help build wheelchair ramps, paint houses, perform yard work, etc. As a staff person, I would help create and oversee work projects, among many other responsibilities.

One such home (at an undisclosed town in North Carolina) was the home of Mr. Chuck.

This story is relevant to you today because Mr. Chuck was a former Grand Dragon (supreme leader) of the KKK. Our task was to rip out his carpet and put down new laminate flooring.

The difficult part would be actually finding the carpet.

Upon entering his home, its difficult to describe the squalor.  His wife had left him in 1987 and Mr. Chuck had not cleaned his home since then.  Thick layers of dust covered everything. Soda cans, cereal boxes and magazines from 1987 were left in their same positions. Its as if time stood still after his wife left him. He seemed to die that day and became a shell of a person.

His home was also covered in cigarette butts, empty beer cans, animal waste, rotten food and trash, and at least two dogs and three cats that never went outside.  For 12 years he lived in the darkness of covered windows and absolute filth. TWELVE YEARS in his own self-imposed prison. Nazi paraphernalia was scattered about as well.  He was to this day the most depressed and destitute person I have ever encountered.

God had brought our group to this man. He was about as unloveable of a person as you can imagine and he lived in the most unloveable of places. His immediate environment bore the fruit of his worldview and he was reaping the rewards. It would have been easy to walk away, a task about as easy as denouncing his false worldview.

However, grace is the great equalizer. God's forgiveness nullifies our past and empowers us to show others that same grace. God's grace is the hope of the world. 

A group of brave teenagers put on work gloves and masks and began the grievous work of cleaning his home. As the work continued, you began to see a lightness return to Mr. Chuck. He began to speak and share with us. He was thankful for our help. Light shone into his home for the first time in 12 years, and it took a group of teenagers to help make that happen.

Did Mr. Chuck hit his knees and repent for his evil worldview and past sins? Not that I'm aware of, but his response or lack thereof wasn't why we were there. Jesus tells us to forgive our enemies seventy time seven and to not only give to those who ask, but give beyond what they ask. Be faithful in the giving and trust God for the results.

You cannot argue anyone into believing anything, but you can love them. We can debate ideas, but we don't have to debate people. God's love can circumvent the defenses of the human heart and bring down walls that seemed to be impenetrable.

We don't get to pick and choose our enemies, and we also don't get to pick and choose who we're commanded to love.  

I like to think that after that day, Mr. Chuck was a changed person. Through our actions, we showed him real, unconditional love, maybe for the first time in his whole life.  When light shines, it will show the darkness for what it is.

As Christians, we are saved by a man who died loving his enemies. 

Let's not forget that.